Motherhood 101

January 18th, 2002 - My first look at Baby Jake.

I celebrate my eighth anniversary of motherhood today, and I'm quite certain there is a lot more that I don't know than what I do.

I don't recall so fondly that cold overcast day in January 2002. As I walked the halls of Good Samaritan Hospital, I stopped every few minutes to crouch down in utter misery, waiting for the contraction to pass. The irony of the fact that I was at Good Samaritan Hospital and NO ONE with a badge would help me for Pete's sake! I remember being surprised that a person could experience that level of pain and still be alive. It completely blindsided me. Having gone through this a couple more times since, I still get irritated knowing that I did not have to feel any of that. Had I chosen a less busy day for child birth, I would have been resting comfortably, maybe even sleeping with the world's best invention - the epidural. There simply were no beds for me that day. Fifteen hours later, when I finally sufficiently had convinced triage that delivery was imminent, the day of misery turned to fear as Jake's heart rate slowed to a dangerously low rate. It still makes my head spin at how quickly he was delivered after that. For all that they weren't leading up to that moment, they came through for me when Jake's life literally was hanging in the balance. I will always be grateful for my amazing and steady handed doctor who prevented a C-section while keeping Jake safe. It's a fine line, and he walked it as closely as you can and still have a great outcome.

There aren't words to describe what you feel when they lay that infant on your chest for the first time. The weight of the mantle of motherhood is real and palatable. There has been a steep learning curve since then. I thought I knew it all, but I was so unprepared and probably still am.

Here are few things that I have learned along the way.

-It doesn't make you a bad mom if you can't calm your colicky newborn. The seemingly endless hours of screaming do end at some point. And, don't assume that subsequent children will be that way. Dylan wasn't. Sophie was, but not to the same degree.

-Teaching your children how to sleep is an invaluable skill that will pay immeasurable dividends later on, no matter how cruel it seems to make them cry it out. I was so offended by Ferber when I first read his book. Turns out he was right.

-Don't be so quick to judge other moms. Their experience isn't the same as your experience. I don't care if you have the same age, gender, or genetics of kids - it's not the same.

-Trust your instincts. They are usually right.

-Don't compare. Ok, we all do it, but try not to let it show and for sure don't let your kids hear it.

-I don't care how young they are, they are paying attention to what you watch, what you say, and how you treat other people. There really is no grace period.

-Less is more with birthday parties. Invite who they want, not who you want.

-Don't give up on healthy food choices. They might reject it 100 times before deciding they love it.

-You can't force them to be something they are not. You had your childhood. Let them have theirs.

-Even if you don't care if your kids run all over you, don't let them. Other adults won't like your kids and that will be a huge disadvantage to them and you.

-Let them fail. Don't catch every fall and buffer every consequence. They can't grow without those experiences.

-Don't spend too much time patting yourself on the back or stressing over your kids milestones. These things tend to level out and you probably have less to do with it than you think.

-Accept that you will make mistakes (in my case, constantly) and don't be afraid to admit that to your kids.

What have you learned along the way?