Sweet, Sweet, Revenge.

I get a little obsessive about my kids and photos. They just grow up so fast, I feel like if I am not taking pictures of them constantly I will never remember how they were. So after Dylan was born I wanted to capture his newborn look in a professional photo shoot. So I packed up two-week old DB, one-year old Jake, and my post partem self in the car and made my way down to JcPenney at the mall to take advantage of their $3.99 per sheet deal. Despite having an appointment, I waited a good hour at which point the kids were hungry, tired, and not looking so cute anymore. I did accomplish my mission though and selected the one adorable newborn picture of Dylan and ordered and paid for the package. Of course on these cheapy photo deals, you have to wait several weeks to actually get your hands on your photos. So I go through the same routine several weeks later as I get the double stroller into the mall to pick up my pictures. I show up dutifully on the date and time promised only to be told that, "Oh that was taken on the end of the roll and got exposed at the lab, so we will need to reschedule you."

I'm a reasonable person and am typically fairly patient, but this set me off. Thanks for the courtesy call before I packed up my babies and came down here. I still managed to calmly tell her that I would not be interested in another photo shoot unless she had a way that I was not aware of to shrink my now two-month old back down to newborn size. She did not, so I demanded a refund. Oh they don't give refunds, only retakes. Our budget would have survived without the $7.99 refund, but there was no way in Hades I was walking out of that studio without my money. It was a big ordeal made bigger by my raging post pregnancy hormones coupled with extreme sleep deprivation. Long story long, I got my refund, eventually, but this little incident left a bit of a bad taste in my mouth.

So why is this story pertinent five years later? (I mean seriously, I need to get a life if I am still holding a grudge a half decade later.) Today I got school pictures of the boys from my old friends at Lifetouch. Instead of prepaying for them, they just send them home already printed and for a mere 12 bucks PER sheet, they can be mine. So if I want to keep the pictures just write a check for $84. Normally I would feel a little bad just scanning the pictures and sending them back unpaid, but in this instance, I consider my grudge match with Lifetouch officially over. I have exacted my revenge and am now vindicated. So here are the kids Spring school photos, free of charge, scanned illeagally, with no guilt...

Nuts.

So I have a dilemma that I am sure I share with all bloggers. There is this constant issue of is this "blogable"? The qualification process includes a variety of considerations such as - will it offend any readers, will it embarrass my kids or anyone else mentioned, is it appropriate or safe to post on a totally public site, and is it even interesting or entertaining. So often when I go days without posting, it is not for lack of material, but more because I am trying to protect X, by not sharing Y. Anyway, the following dialog has been on deck for a few days while I mulled over it's blogability. It is borderline, but made the cut because I decided it's entertainment value slightly outweighed it's crassness. So there is a very long intro to a very short but funny conversation between Dylan and his Grandma Karla one evening as they walked back to the hotel from Disneyland last week. (Forgive me Deebs if I made the wrong call on this one.)

DB: "Grandma, Did you know that there are three different kinds of nuts?"
GK: "Oh, really?" (We had been eating trail mix for a snack at Disneyland so I suspect she expected to hear all about cashews, peanuts, pecans and the like.)
DB: "Yep. There are the nuts you eat."
GK: "That's true."
DB: "Then there are crazy people that are nuts." {long pause}
GK: "And what was the third?"
DB with his signature grin then reaches his arm way out in front of his body with only his hand strategically bent so that his finger could point in the general direction of his nether region, while not drawing too much attention there: "And then there are those nuts."

That DB, he's a thinker.

Magic Kingdom Vs. Bouncy Ball

Wes had the boys wear their Devils shirts for good luck for the first day of March Madness. Naturally there were a lot of Arizona folks at Disneyland, so Wes trained the boys to flash their "Go Devils" pitch fork sign every time they saw a Sun Devil or U of A Wildcat shirt. It made for some fun banter along the way.

The whole crew- Me, Sophie, Kelcee, Karla, DB, Jake, Kari, and Wes. (Don't ask me why I am standing like I am about to perform in a Rockettes show because I don't know.)

Just moments prior to Sophie's terrifying encounter with a 3-D Lion.

Soul mates: Wes' cousin Kelcee and Jake in front of the Matterhorn. Don't they look like siblings?

It has come to my attention that there is not a very reliable correlation between money spent on entertainment for my kids and their level of excitement.

To illustrate my point, this Spring Break we took the kids to Disneyland for three days (Admission: $560- can't think about hotel, gas, and food right now), bought them each a colorful bouncy ball (25 cents each), and had Kacee's dog "Cookie" come over for a few days (free).

They were almost equally excited about all three of these things. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret the trip, especially since we got to spend lots of time with some of our favorite people - Karla, Kari, and Kelcee. (Thank you for your help!) We created a lot of great family memories and we will likely be talking about Tower of Terror and Splash Mountain for years to come. Our family was totally overdue to get out of town, so we are happy we did it. Just a word to the wise though, try the bouncy balls or the puppy first if you want to save some money and hassle. You never know.

Having said that, there were plenty of notable highlights of our trip. We learned a few new tricks, like that you should ride the Monorail and get off at the Disneyland Hotel stop to eat lunch or dinner in their plaza. The food is better and cheaper there and it is a welcome respite to the crowds. Also, the Anaheim Plaza Hotel is a relative bargain and a decent place to stay, but doesn't show up on hotel search sites for some reason. And finally, don't wear green on St. Patrick's Day at Disneyland. It is better to risk getting pinched than to have your kid wearing the same color as a hundred thousand other kids. {Tangent Alert..}I have to say though that Wes was pretty proud that he did not see a single duplicate all day of his "Irish you would kiss me" shirt. The down side - the guy at the admission gate was thinking about it.

I also learned some things about my kids. I can't tell how much is just her personality or her age, but Sophie has a very literal mind, which is not a good thing in a place so reliant on make believe. For example, her stress reaction was pretty much the same when we went through the giant whale's mouth on the Storybook Ride, as it would be for me if I was actually getting swallowed by a whale. And on the Jungle Cruise, she really thought the monkeys were shooting at us. The 3-D shows were a terrifying experience as well. I kept reassuring her as we would approach each ride, that this one wasn't scary, but inadvertently lied several times. She didn't like Buzz Lightyear, Pirates, and certainly not Matterhorn. It really worked to her disadvantage that she is so young, but so long-legged, leaving more ride options for her than she would have liked. She did finally decide that she likes the spinning rides that take place in broad sunlight and were easy on the characters. Dumbo was about the limit for her.

The boys on the other hand, are pretty much at their Disneyland peak. They love the roller coasters and fall for all the scary stunts in other rides- but not so much that they are permanently damaged, and they still dig the characters. Dylan was thrilled to be able to get on almost every ride this visit. He has grown about six inches since his first trip two years ago. He was still a hair shy of riding Indiana Jones and got a real stickler for a height checker, so give Karla and Kari points for ingenuity as they shoved a couple of granola bars in his shoes. He was reluctantly granted admittance the second time around. The melted chocolate that leaked all over his socks - totally worth it! That kid loves a thrill. Jake is all about the speed and claims Splash Mountain as his favorite. He was "totally glad" that he rode Tower of Terror, but made it clear that he never needs to again, only because the line is too long of course.

Collard Greens 101

I have been inspired by several fabulous women in my life to pursue my DBA designation. (See the link to Becca's blog and her March 9 post for an explanation if you are not familiar with this.) It is a long and grueling program and I hear that no one really ever truly graduates, but that is not going to stop me from trying. Some of my mentors are operating at a graduate level - Becca, Cheryl, Ruth, Darlene..(not a complete list). I however, am still in 101 classes, but happy to have opportunities to learn from the best. I was admiring Darlene's garden today and enquired about the abundance leafy greens that were in full bloom. She explained how to cook them and sent me home with a generous portion. They were a great side dish enjoyed by all at dinner tonight. We love you and your garden Dave and Darlene. You are fantastic neighbors and treasured, loyal friends.

(Dave claims that I "threw him under the bus" in my last post, so for those who follow sports, you might recognize the previous sentence as a make up call..) But really, I meant that.

So speaking of treasures in my life, my sweet boys got up early and brought me breakfast in bed this week. It was a soggy bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats presented on a cutting board. Wes swears on his life that he did not put them up to it. My genius boys have also figured out how to graffiti up the house without getting in trouble. They wrote "I love Mom!" on the bathroom mirror. Like I'm going to get mad at that.

Q: How do you know when your blog is getting super lame? A: You start posting photos of your kids eating vegetables.

How Deep Is Your Love?

I am pleased to announce that the following things have been added to the list of things Wes would do for our family:

1. Get shot with a taser gun
2. Get attacked by a German Shepherd
3. Get sprayed in the face with pepper spray

Those were three of the possible five options presented at a study the Sheriff's Department was conducting yesterday. Our neighbor, Dave convinced Wes that volunteering for this study was a great way to get a free taser gun. So you show up and are randomly assigned to a study group where either the three above mentioned things happen to you, or you are in a control group that vigorously punches a punching bag or runs 150 yards at full speed before hoping a fence. You were not allowed to choose your fate, but you were allowed to back out at anytime. Wes was told he would be in the pepper spray group as he waited to be processed. By a stroke of luck though, he was switched to the running group at the last minute. (But let it be known that he was willing to be sprayed.) So he sprinted the 150 yards, jumped the fence, then sat down to have his blood drawn. The exertion, the heat, the no food or water for six hours before and then the seemingly endless viles of blood they extracted proved to be too much for Wes as he found himself passed out on the floor a few minutes later. After a round of vomiting, a lingering headache, and yet another blood draw this morning, we have a new taser gun that will promptly be sold on Craigslist to pay for our Disneyland trip. Thanks Wes!

Canned Chicken, Haircuts, and Puncture Wounds

So I have been working on adding to my repertoire of domestic skills this week. My friend, Darlene showed me how to can chicken. Fry's had a killer sale so I bought 15 packs and started cutting and filling jars. It was a slimy, gross, stinky mess but was quite satisfying when I ended up with 12 quarts of chicken in my pantry. It is not pretty to look at in the jar, and does not taste quite the same as fresh chicken, but everyone scarfed it down without complaint when I used it to make enchiladas. I am happy to report that we are 72 hours removed and still have no signs of salmonella poisoning.

Front View

Back View
It costs me about 20 bucks to get the boys a haircut. I have watched stealthily and taken good notes the last couple haircuts and figured this was possibly within my skill set to do this myself. DB has enough wave in his hair that it is very forgiving. Jake not so much, but I proceeded boldly anyway. We own a set of clippers that Wes has used to trim what is left of his hair for the past seven years. The problem is that they have begun to function more like an Epilady than clippers lately. Wes uttered some words that I won't post on my "G" rated blog the last time I helped him cut his hair, as entire chunks were removed violently. So out of mercy for my boys, I invested in some new clippers. I don't want to brag, but their hair doesn't look half bad, for a beginner anyway. The true test will be on Monday to see if they get mocked and humiliated by their classmates.

The buttons on our computer chair fell off leaving protruding posts on the seat. Growing weary of the puncture wounds every time she sat down to our computer, Karla took pity on us and bought us a new chair. That was awesome enough, but it also came with a box, which Sophie adopted as her new home. (hours of entertainment) The boys saw how much fun she was having and decided to join in. Unfortunately, such tight living quarters lends itself to domestic disputes. More than once this week I have heard Sophie shout, "Boys...Get out of my house!!!"

And finally, speaking of buttons...Sophie has also been using her keen powers of observation to learn about the differences in how boys and girls use the potty. We had problems with her in the early stages of potty training trying to stand and take care of business. (It didn't go so well, but I guess those are the casualties of having two older brothers.) So the other night I sent the kids all to the potty before bed. Sophie came back and explained to me that, "Boys stand and hold their 'buttons' when they pee, girls just sit." Buttons? I decided to save the anatomy lesson for another day.

Today's Musings

Good news! Jesus is doing some landscaping in our neighborhood. I hear he is REALLY good. I think I will ask for the Garden of Eden special. (Someone with the name Christy really has no business making fun.)

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So the kids' elementary school is having "ream the teacher" week. The idea is to encourage the kids to replenish the class paper supply by bringing in reams of copy paper. So the kids pilfer our office supplies and shove as much paper as possible in their backpacks every morning, so they can have the highly coveted pizza party promised to the winning classroom. What is it about a pizza party? We have Little Ceasars five buck pizzas like twice a week; they won't do jack squat for that. The funny thing is that the school has sent home no less than four full page reminders about "Ream the Teacher" week... for both boys. So real quick, let me do the math...500 kids plus four reminders equals 2000 pieces of paper. Anyone know how many reams that is???