Sticking Points

I've taken a little hiatus from the blog. (I'm sure my enormous audience has been worried sick.) I've been doing a little soul searching lately. I think it's a combination of the big 40 fast approaching, the fact that Sophie will be off to Kindergarten soon, and this just in..the economy sucks. I'm antsy, perhaps a little afflicted with ADD, and think that the definition of hell is waking up in the morning without a purpose. Having young kids is certainly an effective way to find a purpose in a hurry. It's not like you can ignore the fact that they have to be fed, bathed, put to sleep, disciplined, taught, and entertained. As a mom, you go into a survival mode which essentially puts your needs on a back burner. I'm not complaining. I knowingly and joyfully chose it, and feel blessed beyond words that circumstances permitted motherhood to choose me. Now that the boys are in school and cute Sophie is a relatively low maintenance gal, I'm finding time to think about some things I want to accomplish in the next phase of my life.

Amazing Athletes isn't what it was in 2007 and neither is the job market. I placed a call to my former boss at the old real estate shop. He confirmed my suspicions that my cubicle isn't exactly waiting for me. And the reality is that I'm not sure I can make the decision to go back to a full time office gig. Sometimes my mind drifts to how sweet if would be to be making the kind of money I was before I had Jake, but it is always quickly followed by a sinking feeling when I picture my kids coming home from school to an empty house or to someone besides me. Plenty of moms make the decision, many have too, and some choose to and I would never judge them, but for me I don't think I can. So finding a job, an income, and a purpose don't happen easily or quickly and certainly without effort. I've lived long enough to know that you have to fail a lot before succeeding. There's cruder way to say that, but I will stop at saying that I've thrown a lot of "stuff" against the wall in the past month to see what is going to stick, if you will. (Thus my blogging hiatus.)

So far my efforts have included trying to complete my first home sale transaction (after having a real estate license for 15 years), writing for a website for pay pal money, submitting my substitute teaching application to the kids' school district, and proposing that I begin teaching Amazing Athletes classes again. So far the grand total of my efforts is... wait for it...$9.55....in pay pal funds. I know, it's not much but gosh darn it something is going to stick soon. Like they say-It's always darkest before dawn. And I'm not about to quit.