Substitute Chronicles

My sister's mother in law who is an assistant principal and has an advanced education degree casually mentioned the other day at Chick-fil-a that "you know substitute teaching is the worst job in the world."
I knew it was bad but I thought for sure that maybe coal mining in West Virginia, or emptying port-a-potties might be worse. Why would I subject myself to such a job? Well the answer is complicated. The pay is pretty poor. I made three times as much in my pre-Jake, DB, and Sophie job ten years ago, not adjusted for inflation, but that seems like a long time ago in a far away place now given this economy. It is stressful and taxing, but you are never allowed to lose your cool or you are "mean." You are also mean if you actually require the children to do something or heaven forbid show some respect to authority. You are stupid if you can't magically memorize 30 kids names instantly. You are offensive to the kids if you aren't a mind reader or possess the exact same personality or teaching style as the real teacher. If some kids decide to collaborate to  ruin your day and the Dean of Students happens to show up at the worst possible moment, then you don't have effective classroom management.  It really is a no win proposition. Teachers don't like you, kids don't respect you, and the administrators consider you a necessary evil. I have always viewed teachers and noble and kind, so I have been especially surprised by the treatment from fellow teachers.

As a sub, there is no way to know all that you need to know or that the real teacher has the advantage of knowing, so you rely heavily on your instincts to deal with all the crazy and unpredictable situations you are faced with in a day. I try not to be too needy and to figure things out on my own to the extent that I can, because I get that the regular teachers are already in over their heads. But it's not that hard to just be civil and dare I say compassionate to someone who is in need of some direction. Some teachers are down right disdainful to me as a sub.

A couple weeks ago, I subbed in a second grade class. I introduced myself to the neighboring second grade teacher just so she would know who I was, but left her alone besides that brief encounter. At afternoon recess the office paged her and had her send one of my students home from the playground. There are some kids who you know are missing immediately because they are such an enormous and constant thorn in your side. He was one of these kids. (It helped also that he had a mohawk.) As soon as the class lined up and I noticed how quiet and well behaved they were being, I knew he was gone. Based on his behavior all morning, I assumed that he either had jumped the fence and robbed a bank or was enjoying a smoke in the boys' bathroom.I sent two students to go look for him, and was getting ready to report him missing to the office. I decided to just poke my head next door to ask the ever so pleasant teacher if she had seem him. Without even looking up from her desk she says, "Oh the office called me at recess and he went home."

After all I'm just a stupid sub. It's not like I would notice a missing student...WITH A MOHAWK! It's true what a Facebook "friend" said.."they will hire anyone with a pulse to sub." Apparently a brain is not required, or they assume. The reality is that there is an enormous amount of patience and intangible skills required to have any success whatsoever.

I will say that there have been a few teachers who have not done the eye roll when I tell them that I'll be subbing next door, but they are most definitely the minority.

There are a few redeeming qualities of subbing. There is no commitment involved. You can decide if you want to work that day or not. If you decide you hate it altogether, you can tell them to take you off their list. If there is particular school, teacher, or grade you don't care for you can conveniently not be available for those assignments. It is different and challenging and no day is ever the same. That is great for my ADD, given that boredom is my nemesis in life. And when you are not bored, time flies. So you may not be making much per hour, but if the day goes quickly, it seems worth it. I get home most days the same time as the boys, and if the stars align right, I can even sneak a lunch date in with them during my break. (That's still cool to them.) Plus it has added some good stories to my arsenal. That's a teaser for future posts, assuming anyone still reads this blog.